He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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