I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your penis caused this!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
