I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need water and some morals
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
