its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
