Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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