This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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