I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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