smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize