I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
