I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize