Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
