i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
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She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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