Pappa wants mamma naked
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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