I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
