I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
