you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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