im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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