just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
