Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
