beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
