Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize