I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
