Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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