you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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