So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
that may or may not have been my penis.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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