Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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