well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
