Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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