we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
