Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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