I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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