You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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