I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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