He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
