My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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