If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
