I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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