i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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