I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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