can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
