Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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