so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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