i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
