see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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