I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
