so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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