What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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