I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
