and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default