You can't motorboat a personality
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.