I chose taco bell over sex...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's shark week go big or go home
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.