No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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